Saturday, November 14, 2009

Back-to-Basics

I see how you are. . .you only comment if there is a giveaway. Well I know a few of you are trying these ideas-only because you've told me, but I think you should try the Saturday ideas and comment when you do!

Idea #3 Holding Hands and Communicating
Holding Hands:
How long has it been since you held hands with your sweety? Do you hold hands on a regular basis or have you long since stopped doing that? Do you remember when you just wanted to hold his hand all the time? Isn't it time you got back to the basics and held hands again?

One of my favorite things to see is older couples holding hands. I always want to run up to them and ask them how long they've been married and to tell me something that makes their marriage work. As for me I love holding hands with my guy any chance I get. It makes the world seem safer and all problems somehow seem a little smaller or easier to bear.

Your homework for this week is to hold hands more than you have been doing. Maybe return to holding hands while walking into church together (and maybe if you aren't going to church currently that is something you could start that too :)). Hold hands while you enjoy the Sunday service together. Don't let the children separate you on the bench. I love to look around the chapel and see couples sitting besides each other holding hands with children off to both of their sides. I once heard a lady say that she made it a priority not to let the children come between her and her husband at church on Sunday because sometimes that was the longest she got to sit by him all week! I like that idea and think I will try it too (check back with me in years to come to see how I am doing on that one would ya.!?)

Communicating:

This week I got a little sick and my man asked me if I would let him take care of me. I am very independent, which is probably why he had to ask, but after thinking about it for a second I said, "yeah I'd like that". Then after thinking about it more I wondered what he had in mind when he said he'd take care of me. What did that mean to him? Did it mean the same thing to me? Would "taking care of me" when I was sick always look the same or would I sometime want or need something else?

I am a teacher by profession (that's why I feel I can give you homework and get frustrated when you don't report back in on whether you've done it or not :)), and at school we do what's known as a "looks like/sounds like" t-chart to discuss ideas that we may just assume the students know what we mean but don't always know what is expected. I thought that was an appropriate technique to be used in a relationship too. To me what I want my guy to do may be completely different than what he is envisioning he would do when he said he would take care of me. Here is an example of what I mean:

To me taking care of me looks like:
-sitting by my side just a little longer than you normally would
-walking a little slower to keep pace with me when I don’t feel good
-it means making sure I have cough drops, Sudafed and kleenex or 7-up, chicken noodle soup and crackers
-it means letting me sleep in a little longer, watch what I want on t.v. or take a long bath

To me being taken care of sounds like:
-“do you need me to get you anything"
-"don't worry about it, I'll take care of it"
-"I'm sorry you don't feel good"
-"just let me know if you need anything"
-"I love you" or "you're still beautiful even when you're sick"

Now these may not all be how I really feel, but you should get the idea. This stems from an actual conversation my man and I had about this actual topic. Interestingly enough we realized that our ideas were a little different and that that is not always how being taken care of would look and sound to me. I imagine when we are married, or have children, or our children are grown or my needs were different "being taken care of" would look different. Point being unless we communicate a change in how that looks and sounds he may still be trying to do what he thinks he should when he would gladly do what you needed him to if only you let him know (and vice versa).

I know this has been a really long post and hopefully you are still reading it because I feel strongly that communication and little things like holding hands can make a big difference in the feel of your relationship.

You've done it all before, that's how you got to where you are, now don't forget it. When I'm old I want to see you still holding hands with your honey. Return to the basics! Do your homework: hold his hand and communicate about something that needs to be redefined and report back!

4 comments:

Varinia

Thank you for this post. Its good to remember the basics. The cute little things you did before you were married.: ) hope you have a great day!

Crystal

Thanks for the great post! I love hearing from someone besides me! :)

fourlakes

Here is my homework.

I agree. When my husband & I were married (over 10 years ago), we pledged we would sit by each other when ever possible. We ALWAYS sit by each other at church (probably why our kids clamor to sit on daddy's lap.) The kids do not get to separate us. We also sit by each other at the dinner table. We hold hands whenever possible, driving in the car, shopping, family walks, etc.

I have been spoiled and believe I have the BEST husband in the whole universe. He ALWAYS does so much for me and takes care of me better than I do myself.

We agree, the basics are important.

Don't forget to make date night a weekly priority. No matter your budget, make time for each other every week. Even if it is just sitting together talking, reading a book or giving each other a foot massage. You don't have to spend money to have a date night.

Did I pass on my homework report?
:)
SLake

froghunter

Wow, there were comments-yeah!!
Varinia-your comment made me think of that quote that says something like "enjoy the little things-someday you will look back and realize they were BIG things." It is the little things that make the difference!

Crystal-I'm glad you let me be your Saturday blogger, and don't forget to do your homework :). Did you ever do last week's cross word puzzle?

Stacie-good job on your homework! I think you actually earned extra credit for the weekly date nights on top of holding hands at church. Well done. I'll come up with a homework sometime of something that you aren't already doing that you will have to try :)

Happy Sunday everyone!

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